OK People, I don't often ask for EVERYONE'S thought or opinions on things, but I REALLY need some help with this one...
I feel STRANGE. I have this weird feeling that I need to go and see the slums of India, or orphanages in Uganda or something like that. You know, I could say I feel like travelling abroad and seeing Big Ben or the Eiffel Tower, or Holland in spring, or travel by Gondola in Venice but Nooooo, I think of these strange places and some of the poorest people in the world that I feel I have to visit.
I'm feeling kinda unloved, unappreciated and ungrateful at home at the moment. Yes, I'm the one feeling ungrateful! How do those three words fit in the same thought together like that?
I said to Mr C last night that I feel the need to declutter. Not just decluttering the house of material posessions but also my emotions. Does that make sense to any? It didn't to him. Actually, he didn't have a response to any of this. Do you?
I don't think I actually have anything to contribute to these countries or the people that live there but I think I've perhaps ignored them (for want of better word) for long enough. So, while feeling completely inadequate to take on any sort of trip like this, I seriously don't think that being a World Vision child sponsor is quite what I need. It doesn't even come close to what I'm feeling/thinking at the moment.
I said to Mr C that I am ashamed of the job I've done as a parent so far. Not entirely, don't get me wrong, but the behaviour of our kids at times & the awful way they speak to us at times is just apalling. There is no excuse for it and I have to take responsibility for it because I spend the most amount of time with them.
Perhaps I'm just feeling like I haven't done anything worthwhile with my life yet, or perhaps it's just itchy feet & I need a change. Perhaps it's just that I've pretty much been housebound for the past month with sick kids (Outings to the supermarket just don't excite me). Perhaps I'll feel differently after our upcoming holiday. Perhaps one day this will all make sense & I'll travel & do something worthwhile. The funny thing is though, I don't feel like doing it here, in my own town, state or country. I wonder why that is. I'm sure there are plenty of homeless and hungry people in my own backyard that I could visit. What is it about other countries that I am drawn to?
Have you ever felt like this?? What did you do about it?
Bye for now, K